本文以“‘家’是什么”（何以为“家”）这一问题为基础和核心，通过对“13+1”位研究对象之访谈资料的叙事分析，尝试探讨：对于异乡求学的莘莘学子而言，流动社会中的“家”在城乡、阶层的区隔下存在的迷茫、困惑及多种安顿或实践方式，以及在其终极意义上对离家和归家之必然性的决定性意义。而对青年异乡求学现象的集中讨论，并通过引入关系实在论的思考，能够在反映其家观念的基础上，有效展现个体在家庭、学校、社会的多重情境下的反应模式和成长历程，重拾“家”在制度性障碍和结构性困境下的本体性地位，由此反思家庭教育和学校教育的职能欠缺和应有使命。

研究发现：（1）现代家庭本应努力创建孩子的精神家园，使之成为孩子的心灵栖息地，但由于父母养育方式的缺陷，导致现代家庭的功能缺失和异化，其物质性慷慨和精神性压迫同时存在，使许多孩子无法处于自主状态和主体地位。（2）作为准入机制的“文凭渗透”，控制了家庭的养育风格与文化氛围，分数中心论构建出错综复杂而脆弱不安的三角关系。沟通障碍被流动性放大，沟通不良、表达模糊和消极倾听都进一步加剧了青年的无归属感。（3）异乡求学者在寻求学历、文凭等社会资质的同时，也在寻找作为心灵寄托的“家”。他们以远离家庭作为对家庭的回应方式而奔赴学校，父母则以权威和恩情并施的方式对其选择进行干涉和牵制。二者之间展开博弈，家庭矛盾的堆积和爆发随时在进行。以家庭关系的优劣为变量，异乡求学者回之以强烈的家庭粘性、薄弱的家庭依恋及果决的家庭出离。（4）伴随着对“家”的寻求，审慎的恋爱试图展开，并经由已有的生命体验引发痴迷型、恐惧型、疏离型和安全性四类亲密关系模式。即使恋爱无法保证安全感的供给，以浪漫爱情为主导的婚姻仍是青年的理想。但高昂的婚姻成本和生育成本让男性和女性各自望而却步，晚婚成为主流观点。至此，由生育政策引发的低生育意愿和少子化的现状会继续保持。（5）青年的不安感在家庭、学校、社会、个人四方面因素的合力作用下，经常以“心理残疾”的形式集中爆发。面对人际关系的恐惧和局促，内在空虚和无意义感，高敏感而低成就，不明就里的伤害，考试带来的噩梦，严重的焦虑和抑郁，艰难的社会适应……这些无一不诉说着被异化的人和被欠缺的主体生活。（6）“家”应是人类目所向、魂所归、心所安的安顿之地。而现代家庭被应试文化和教育制度挤压，不再是人的精神家园、自由之所、心灵栖息处，其本质功能逐渐坍塌、缺失和异化。异乡求学者的复杂动机由此得以展开：既寻求文凭、分数等世俗资质，也寻找作为心灵寄托和精神空间的“家”。“离家”这一行为，既表现出莘莘学子丰富的心理体验和独特的行为方式，也预示了“回归”的可能性和必然性。

当青年重新确立了自身的主体地位，以成长心态重新发现自己与家庭的关系，自我救赎的过程就开始了，而家庭与青年在曾经的相互折磨中又可能得以相互救赎。教育是其中重要的变量。教育不仅要提供学生社会化的过程和资质，还需满足学生寻找精神家园的愿望。但现行的学校教育和家庭教育在后一方面仍显较大不足。家庭不是学校的附属，青年亦非父母理想的承载和实现工具，他们有着自己的人生使命。即使使命无法实现，但无限趋近它却是必须坚守的信念。

This article is based and centered on the question of "what is' home '(what makes it home'). Through narrative analysis of interview data from 13+1 research subjects, it attempts to explore the confusion,perplexity and various ways of settling or practicing 'home' in a mobile society for students studying in a foreign land, And in its ultimate sense, it has a decisive significance for the inevitability of leaving and returning home. The concentrated discussion on the phenomenon of young people studying abroad and the introduction of relational realism can effectively demonstrate the individual's reaction mode and growth process in multiple contexts such as family, school, and society, while reflecting their family concept, and regain the ontological status of "home" under institutional obstacles and structural difficulties. This reflects on the lack of functions and proper missions of family education and school education.

Research has found that: (1) Modern families should have made efforts to create a spiritual home for their children, making it a spiritual habitat for their children. However, due to the shortcomings of parents' parenting methods, the functions of modern families are lacking and alienated, and their material generosity and spiritual oppression coexist, making many children unable to be in a state of autonomy and subjectivity. (2) As an admission mechanism, the "diploma penetration" controls the parenting style and cultural atmosphere of families, and the score centered theory constructs a complex and fragile triangular relationship. Communication barriers are magnified by mobility, and poor communication, vague expression, and passive listening further exacerbate youth's sense of belonging. (3) Scholars in foreign lands are seeking social qualifications such as academic qualifications and diplomas, while also seeking a "home" as a spiritual sustenance. They rush to school as a way of responding to their families by staying away from them, while their parents intervene and restrain their choices through a combination of authority and kindness. The game between the two is unfolding, and the accumulation and outbreak of family conflicts are constantly taking place. Taking the quality of family relationships as variables, foreign students tend to experience strong family stickiness, weak family attachment, and decisive family departures. (4) Accompanied by the search for 'home', cautious love attempts are made, and through existing life experiences, four types of intimate relationship patterns are triggered: obsession, fear, alienation, and security. Even if love cannot guarantee the supply of security, a marriage dominated by romantic love is still the ideal for young people. But the high cost of marriage and childbirth has deterred both men and women, and late marriage has become the mainstream view. At this point, the current situation of low fertility intention and fewer children caused by the birth policy will continue to be maintained. (5) The anxiety of young people often erupts in the form of "psychological disability" under the combined force of family, school, society, and individual factors. Faced with fear and cramping in interpersonal relationships, inner emptiness and unintentionalness, high sensitivity but low achievement, unknown harm, nightmares brought about by exams, severe anxiety and depression, and difficult social adaptation... all of these tell the story of alienated individuals and the life of the missing subject. (6) Home should be a place where direction of the eyes, the return of the souls, the place of peace of mind. However, modern families are being squeezed by exam oriented culture and education system, and are no longer the spiritual home, freedom, and spiritual habitat of people. Their essential functions are gradually collapsing, missing, and alienated. The complex motives of foreign students are thus unfolded: they seek secular qualifications such as diplomas and scores, as well as a "home" as a spiritual sustenance and spiritual space. The behavior of 'leaving home' not only demonstrates the rich psychological experience and unique behavior of students, but also indicates the possibility and inevitability of 'returning'.

When young people re-establish their own subject status and rediscover their relationship with their families with a growth mindset, the process of self redemption begins, and families and young people may be able to redeem each other in their past mutual torment. Education is an important variable among them. Education should not only provide students with the process and qualifications of socialization, but also meet their desire to find a spiritual home. However, the current school education and family education still show significant deficiencies in the latter aspect. Family is not a subsidiary of school, and young people are not the carrier and tool of their parents' ideals. They have their own life mission. Even if the mission cannot be achieved, approaching it infinitely is a belief that must be upheld.