自20世纪80年代以来，大量农村家庭为提高经济收入水平选择进城务工，“留守”就成了千百万农村儿童共同的童年经验。已有研究较为关注当下留守儿童的就学、寄宿、人格发展、亲子关系等议题，缺少对留守体验及其长期影响的深入研究。
基于叙事研究范式，本研究对10位在重点大学就读的农村女大学生的留守体验进行了深度访谈，同时以4位留守男生的体验为参照，试图深描现代化背景下进入重点高校、有着留守体验的女大学生独特的成长图景。研究致力于探究的核心问题有：第一，她们经历了怎样的家庭生活？亲子之间关系如何？流动的父母的家庭养育方式及意义是怎样的？第二，在父母缺场的情况下，她们是如何取得高学业成就的？又要为此付出何种代价？第三，进入重点高校后，来自过去的留守体验是否已经过去，又如何展露痕迹？过往的留守体验形塑了何种性情特征？研究的主要发现有：
首先，城市的虹吸效应吸引了农村的劳动力，对于留守儿童而言则留下了巨大的空洞——过早被剥夺了家庭共同体生活的童年。在这些留守家庭的养育实践中，因父母身体的不在场，家庭养育中的权威性指令大过生活中的温情，父母对于子女学业的重视与经济支持是养育实践的核心内容。由于缺少共同生活与温情的交互感知，她们的亲子回忆展现出被压抑的情绪的波痕。在父母外出打工之后，替代照料者的照料呈现出双重可能性，既可能使留守的女孩与替代照料者形成新的情感共同体，也可能加剧情绪的压抑和掩饰性。这样一种缺场中的家庭抚育实践的特征与她们父母的生计模式的改变以及农村学校以“撤点并校”为核心的集中和加强管理密切相关，她们也在这种社会的变迁与流动中经历着脆弱的共同体生活。
其次，留守中学业成就的获得也离不开农村学校教育体系的支撑。在日益集中并强化管理的农村教育体系之中，社会、学校、老师和家长共同强调着成绩对于教育流动的重要性，提升成绩成为她们生活中自然而然抓住的重心，而这种单向的重心倾斜与相应认可的强关联也隐藏着心理上的风险。男生更多地将学习压力和动力叙述成责任，父系文化的传承使得男生的共同体意识更加强烈，认同“学习作为道德事务”。而女生对学习动力的叙述则展现出她们对家长、老师等重要他人期待的感知与重视，以及自尊心、好胜心等在同伴群体中形成的心理动力。学业成就既是她们个人能动性的体现，也代表着她们为亲人而做出的奋斗。不过，长期共同生活的缺失使得她们的学校生活暗藏着脆弱性。随着升入高中之后学业难度的提升，在学业遭遇挫折之后她们很难开口向父母倾诉，与父母在观念上的差异则导致了进一步的矛盾和理解上的屏障，易使她们陷入自我确证和情感联结双重落空的境地。尽管学业成就体现了她们自身“化损为益”的能动性，但学业也同时是脆弱性与风险展露之地。在学业失败的危机意识下，对学习时间的无限投入也弱化了她们与同伴群体的交往与情感联结。   
再者，在进入重点高校这一时空节点后，留守体验并未只停留在过去，而是会残留与潜隐于当下的人际关系之中，形塑一种尚未消融的重量，突出体现在自身的情绪展演、安全感和亲密关系的构建过程之中。通过她们与父母亲子关系及人际关系的展演，可以看出家庭共同体的遥不可及和共同生活的缺场使她们在心理体验上展现出高度的敏感、警惕和单打独斗的特征。长期不亲密的共同体生活的历程使得她们缺少与他人交际和合作的经验，对亲密关系更多只有概念化和理想化的想象。她们渴望能拥有纯粹的情感联结与愉悦、轻松的共同体体验，但实际上内心却打满情感线条之结，难以主动创造和融入。
不过，也正是随着在教育流动旅途中对知识的接触与学习，她们得以真正开拓自己的成长空间。通过知识的自由学习以及人际交往中的碰撞和成长，她们得以反思自己的成长历程，对自己心理、情感中的张力和矛盾过程进行辨认，重新意识、反思和重构自我与他人的关系。通过完成高等教育并且找到一份合适的工作而实现经济独立，她们在一定程度上满足了流动在外的父母们的教育期待和养育心愿。在此基础之上，她们有可能对于父母原有的文化局限和养育观念进行抗辩和否认，尝试展开新的家庭共处模式，步入新阶段的成长旅途。但这一旅途也是曲折而复杂的。
在留守体验中的亲子关系与情感的演变历程中，研究发现爱与陪伴仍然是亲子之间恢复亲近与发展探索动力的重要源泉。情感忽视与弱陪伴的家庭养育模式不利于农村留守女童的健康与社会性发展。农村父母对于勤恳劳动、物质奖励与儿童好成绩这三者关系的线性养育理解是与儿童的内在情感和心理需求相抵牾的，学业过度成为重心的代价是情感的失衡。说到底，亲子分离不单是一个简单的现象，它是发生在中国城市化进程、农村教育及经济发展的过程中的一种社会事实，作为单一的家庭，很难抵御如此强烈的社会转型浪潮。亲子分离在城市化、教育竞争、传统性别观念及现代化的历史进程中占据着特殊位置。
可以说，现代化进程以千万农村家庭亲子共同生活所受到的撕裂为其隐藏代价，这对留守女童的性情养成产生了复杂的影响。需要注意的是，更多的留守女童已经在学业道路上被甩在轨道之外，或者因为重男轻女的养育观念而没有足够的等待和支持，她们是本研究之外的留守记忆和体验的拥有者。进入重点大学的女大学生留守经历中情感体验的复杂性展现了中国现代化进程辉煌成就背后普通人所付出的代价。
 

Since the 1980s, a large number of rural families have chosen to work in cities to improve their economic income, and "staying behind" has become a common childhood experience for millions of rural children. Previous studies have focused more on the education, boarding, personality development, parent-child relationships, and other issues of left behind children, but there is a lack of in-depth research on left behind experiences and their long-term impacts.

Based on the narrative research paradigm, this study conducted in-depth interviews on the left behind experiences of 10 rural female college students studying in key universities. At the same time, referring to the experiences of four left behind male students, the study attempted to depict the unique growth landscape of female college students who entered key universities and had left behind experiences in the context of modernization. The core questions that the research aims to explore are: firstly, what kind of family life did they experience? How is the relationship between parents and children? What is the parenting style and significance of mobile parents? Secondly, in the absence of parents, how do they achieve high academic achievement? What price will we have to pay for this? Thirdly, after entering key universities, has the experience of being left behind from the past passed, and how can it show its traces? What personality traits have been shaped by past experiences of staying behind? The main findings of the study include:

Firstly, the siphon effect of cities attracts rural labor, leaving a huge void for left behind children - they are deprived of a childhood of family community life prematurely. In the parenting practices of these left behind families, due to the physical absence of parents, the authoritative instructions in family upbringing outweigh the warmth in daily life. The core content of parenting practice is the importance and financial support of parents for their children's education. Due to the lack of interactive perception of shared life and warmth, their parent-child memories show ripples of suppressed emotions. After parents go out to work, the care of alternative caregivers presents a dual possibility, which may create a new emotional community between the left behind girl and the alternative caregiver, and may also exacerbate emotional suppression and concealment. The characteristics of family upbringing practices in such a absent environment are closely related to the changes in the livelihood patterns of their parents, as well as the centralized and strengthened management of rural schools with the core of "point withdrawal and school consolidation". They also experience a fragile community life in this social change and mobility.

Secondly, the achievement of left behind high schools cannot be achieved without the support of the rural school education system. In the increasingly centralized and strengthened rural education system, society, schools, teachers, and parents jointly emphasize the importance of grades for educational mobility. Improving grades has become a natural focus in their lives, and this one-way shift in focus and strong correlation with corresponding recognition also conceal psychological risks. More boys describe academic pressure and motivation as responsibilities, and the inheritance of patrilineal culture strengthens their sense of community, recognizing learning as a moral matter. The narration of learning motivation by girls shows their perception and importance of the expectations of important others such as parents and teachers, as well as the psychological motivation formed by self-esteem and competitiveness in peer groups. Academic achievement is not only a reflection of their personal initiative, but also represents their struggle for their loved ones. However, the lack of long-term shared living has hidden fragility in their school life. With the increase in academic difficulty after entering high school, it is difficult for them to confide in their parents after encountering setbacks in their studies. The differences in concepts between them and their parents lead to further contradictions and barriers to understanding, which can easily lead them into a situation of double failure in self confirmation and emotional connection. Although academic achievement reflects their own initiative to turn losses into benefits, academic achievement is also a place where vulnerability and risks are exposed. Under the crisis awareness of academic failure, their unlimited investment in learning time also weakens their communication and emotional connection with peer groups.

Furthermore, after entering the key university, the experience of staying behind does not only stay in the past, but also remains and hides in the current interpersonal relationships, shaping an unresolved weight that is prominently reflected in the process of emotional expression, security, and intimate relationship construction. Through the performance of their parent-child and interpersonal relationships with their parents, it can be seen that the unattainable family community and the lack of space in common life make them highly sensitive, vigilant, and solitary in their psychological experience. The long-term process of living in a non intimate community makes them lack experience in communicating and cooperating with others, and they only have conceptual and idealized imagination of intimate relationships. They yearn for pure emotional connection and a joyful and relaxed community experience, but in reality, their hearts are filled with emotional knots, making it difficult to actively create and integrate.

However, it is precisely with their exposure and learning of knowledge during the journey of educational mobility that they are able to truly explore their own growth space. Through the free learning of knowledge and the collision and growth in interpersonal communication, they are able to reflect on their own growth process, identify the tension and contradiction processes in their psychology and emotions, and re realize, reflect, and reconstruct the relationship between themselves and others. By completing higher education and finding a suitable job to achieve economic independence, they have to some extent met the educational expectations and parenting aspirations of mobile parents. On this basis, they may argue and deny their parents' existing cultural limitations and parenting beliefs, attempt to develop new family coexistence models, and embark on a new stage of growth journey. But this journey is also winding and complex.

In the evolution of parent-child relationships and emotions in the experience of being left behind, research has found that love and companionship remain important sources of motivation for restoring intimacy and exploring development between parents and children. The family upbringing model of emotional neglect and weak companionship is not conducive to the health and social development of left behind girls in rural areas. The linear parenting understanding of the relationship between diligent labor, material rewards, and good grades by rural parents contradicts the intrinsic emotional and psychological needs of children. The cost of excessive academic focus is emotional imbalance. Ultimately, parent-child separation is not just a simple phenomenon, it is a social fact that has occurred in the process of urbanization, rural education, and economic development in China. As a single family, it is difficult to resist such a strong wave of social transformation. Parent-child separation occupies a special position in the historical process of urbanization, educational competition, traditional gender concepts, and modernization.

It can be said that the modernization process has a hidden cost of the tearing apart of millions of rural families living together, which has a complex impact on the development of the temperament of left behind girls. It should be noted that more left behind girls have been left behind on their academic journey, or lack sufficient waiting and support due to the patriarchal parenting concept. They are the owners of left behind memories and experiences outside of this study. The complexity of emotional experiences in the left behind experiences of female college students entering key universities demonstrates the price paid by ordinary people behind the brilliant achievements of China's modernization process.